By Lya Carrera
In Newsweekly Contributor
Published Newspaper: In Newsweekly
Published Date: December 21, 2005, Issue 15 18

WITH PRESBYTERIAN RULES UNCLEAR AND CHURCH DIVIDED, SARA J. HERWIG FACES SIGNIFICANT OBSTACLES TO ORDINATION

There is nothing typical about student intern Sara J. Herwig. At 48 years old, she is following her dream of becoming an ordained minister of the First Presbyterian Church of Waltham.

She says her day usually begins early on Sunday mornings. Before teaching her 9:30 a.m. Sunday School class, she hangs the rainbow flag outside the church doors. After her class, she assists in the worship service by leading the congregation through various sections, such as the opening, the closing, “the call to confession, the call to worship, the prayer of the people, and the affirmation of faith.”

When she is at the podium, she appears much taller than her height of 5 feet, 10 inches. She dresses conservatively in a blouse and skirt. Her blue eyes are framed behind rectangular, clear glasses, and her shoulder-length, blonde hair is clipped back. Her voice is clear and strong, but soft-spoken.

Herwig’s path to ordination was not an easy one. At 27 years old, she had been through the candidacy process before and she would have been ordained, but she withdrew because she was coming to terms with some very difficult issues: Back then, “she” was a “he.”

“I don’t like to refer to my former [male] name,” Herwig says, “[It] brings up memories that aren’t very pleasant.” After “living full-time” in her “female gender role” for the past seven years, Herwig began her candidacy process for ordination in the fall of 2001. It was at this time that her call to serve God was challenged.

Herwig says the controversy is that she used to be male, and the committee that approves her ordination is divided. First, although other transsexuals have been ordained as ministers within this denomination, she is the first preparing to become a church pastor. Second, there are no references in the Bible, or in the Constitution of the Presbyterian Church (USA) that can deny transsexuals from being ordained or having leadership roles. However, there is a Bible verse in Deuteronomy 22:5 that refers to cross-dressing, but not specifically to sex reassignment. In addition, the Presbyterian Church (USA) does have a 1978 document called the “Definitive Guidance” that states, “any active, practicing, or self-proclaimed homosexuals are not to be considered for ordination.”

“Many Presbyterians see transsexualism as a gay issue,” Herwig says. “As a result, many also believe that transsexuals are gay … even though the reality might be that you are not gay and not involved with anyone at all.”

Social Worker Lisette Lahana says this may be a perception that society holds in general. “Many see transsexuals as cross-dressing, and they may link that with sexual orientation,” she says. “For some transsexuals, cross-dressing does help to express their sexual orientation, but for others it expresses their gender identity.”

In spite of the controversy, Herwig has many supporters. Pastor Jean Southard of the First Presbyterian Church of Waltham is one of them. “I believe that Sara has the gifts for ministry and she is called; by God to minister,” she says. “She has the right to become a minister as anyone would who has the intelligence, the call, and the gifts, so I support her.”

However, there are many in the Presbyterian community who think differently. “I would oppose anyone who puts anything as being primary in their identity that’s not God,” says Reverend Kevin Ford, a chaplain at Massachusetts Institute of Technology and a minister of the Presbytery of Boston. “Today, the thing that many people in the church see is whether or not someone is gifted. The problem is that ther, are lots of gifted people in the world, but a lot of them should not be leaders in the church.”

Despite opposing opinions, Herwig will not be deterred. “In order to serve God as who I am, I need to do that as a female, because that is who I am, and that is what I am called to do,” she says. Herwig says her call to serve God began when she was a teenager in Wichita, Kan., while attending a youth rally one evening though her call to be her “true self” arose when she was in elementary school.

Although biologically born a male, she felt psychologically that she was female. Regardless of her feelings, she continued on her expected path. She attended college in Kansas, divinity school in Massachusetts, got married and had a daughter. It was only when Herwig divorced in 1990 that she finally came to terms with her transsexualism.

Herwig says the symptoms for transsexualism vary from depression to suicide. Many transsexuals resolve this conflict by cross-dressing, taking hormones to change their physical characteristics or having surgery to change their sex organs to fit their gender reality. For Herwig, it became too difficult for her, so she decided to have the surgery. “The times when it was the hardest was probably being married and wanting to connect intimately with my spouse [because] I had this extreme dislike and uncomfortableness with my own genitalia,” she says.

Herwig will continue with her quest for ordination, but she could still be denied at any point during this process. Nevertheless she is committed to herself, her faith and her denomination. “The reason I don’t seek ordination in a different denomination that would accept me is because I believe that God has not just called me to an ordained ministry,” she says, “but to an ordained ministry in the Presbyterian Church.”